Saying Goodbye

I just finished reading The Fault in Our Stars and now I feel empty. I'm not sure if it's because of the way the book ended or if it's because cancer has a direct relevance to my own life. I haven't spoken about it much because I am terrible at communicating my feelings when it comes to dramatic emotion. 

I lost my grandfather about 2 months ago to Esophageal Cancer and I don't know what pains me more; the fact that he is no longer physically here with us, or that I didn't get to say "goodbye." His health had been hanging in the balance for over a year so, sadly, my family and I had the mentality of  any day now, but he toughed it out for as long as he physically could. The character of Augustus Waters reminded me so much of grandfather with the way he didn't let cancer control his life. You could hardly tell he was sick because he had this incredible warmth, a contagious happiness, and still had a real thirst for living. He genuinely loved life and didn't take a single day for granted. Eventually, despite his efforts, the cancer prevailed and even though his body was present for his last few weeks, his spirit had already passed on. In the novel Hazel mentions having a conversation with Augustus on his Last Good Day and even though she is just a character in a novel, I know exactly what Hazel meant and how she feels, as many, if not most, people feel as they see the lives of their loved ones slipping. Despite my grandfather living in California and the countless hours of treatment and rest he required I was fortunate to speak with my grandfather on his Last Good Day. He hardly sounded like the man I knew and grew up admiring. His voice was unrecognizable and very faint, but I will cherish our seventeen minute conversation forever because it was the last time we'll ever speak.

My birthday is the day before my grandfather's. I couldn't help but get emotional this year when we flew to California to spend the weekend with my family thinking it would be my grandfather's last birthday, and it was. This is the last photo and one of the last tangible moments I had with my grandfather. My birthday won't be the same this year.

Who knew that reading a novel for young adults would have the power to stir up so much thought and emotion? I'm glad it did because it is about time that I finally open up about my grandfathers passing, even if it's only written.

Every person deals with stuff like this differently and for me, I just needed time.

Facing Reality

We had a great Memorial Day Weekend. For the first time since we started dating, my husband is on day shift. I cannot even begin to describe what a blessing it is to actually be on the same schedule and actually have a weekend with my husband. We slept in and spent some serious time cuddling on the couch while we binge-watched Game of Thrones so we can catch up to the current season. The weather was really crumby Saturday and Sunday so I didn't feel bad for spending time inside and also because I managed to convince my husband to go to the gym with me every day, which I appreciate more than he knows. 

On Monday we went to a Phillies game for their Salute the Troops Night. I was lucky enough to score free tickets from work. We headed to Philly a couple hours early so we could park and enjoy some drinks, snacks, and music before the first pitch. 

We opened up the tailgate to the SUV and got comfy in the back. It was during that time, when it hit me like a ton of bricks, that our time together is limited and weekends like this are sparse. In a few weeks I'm moving back home while my husband finishes up his enlistment in New Jersey. There's nothing I can't stand more than saying goodbye to my husband. We've already gone through several tough goodbyes and I know that this one won't be any easier. My heart hurts with the anticipation of it all.

First Time Food Prepper

I consider myself I pretty healthy eater these days. In fact, I would say that I eat clean 85% of the time, which is leaps and bounds from where my nutrition was this time last year. However, since summer is quickly approaching I decided it was about time I kick my nutrition in to high gear. This week I gave my first hardcore meal prep a go, and I have to say, it's not nearly as bad as what everyone complains about.

I didn't even spend an hour in the kitchen. And that's including clean up! In that time I made six meal portions for lunches and two days worth of dinners for both my husband and I. While chicken was broiling, the broccoli was steaming, and the rice was cooking, I also managed to rinse, cut, and portion fruits and veggies for us to snack on during the day. 

Let me tell you, it is so nice to not have to stress about what you're going to make for dinner when you get home from work or by the time you actually do get home from work, cooking is the last thing you want to do so you revert to eating out or ordering take-out.

Meal prep is definitely a wise idea if you're serious about eating better more often because when you have food already pre-made and ready to go in the fridge you really have no excuse to step out on your diet. 

I just finished off my chicken, brown rice, and broccoli bowl for lunch; so yummy! A lot of people probably have an issue with eating simple food like this on a regular basis, but I love it! I just require a little sea salt and pepper and I'm good to go. Especially because I mix up our veggie variety so much, it's hard to get bored of it. Even though I could broccoli and asparagus every day for the rest of my life and be perfectly happy about it! 

Meal prep isn't hard. Just don't over complicate it. Seriously, throw a couple chicken breasts or fish fillets in the oven or on the grill, steam some veggies in the microwave, and cook up a cup or 2 of brown rice or heck, make a quinoa salad, or whatever else your prefer, big enough to last you for a couple days! It really is that easy.

Wasteful, Not

My mother-in-law is a wise woman, especially when it comes business in the kitchen. While at the farmer's market during her visit last week she gave me a piece of advise when it comes to limiting produce waste. In fact, it was so simple and easy I can't believe the idea had never struck me before.

I like to buy produce in bulk whenever I can because it's almost always much cheaper. I'm pretty good at not letting food go bad, but unfortunately, sometimes I don't get around to using all of it before it spoils or something gets pushed to the back of the refrigerator and goes unseen. This is where my mother-in-laws brilliant tip came in; freeze it.

Like, duh! So as if I didn't like buying things in bulk before, with this tip, now I have no reason not to. For example, at the commissary I pay around $1.59 per pepper. At the farmer's market down the street a basket of SIX peppers is $3!!!!! I mean it's pretty self explanatory.

Not only will I save money, and cut down on waste, but it's also going to cut future preparation time for cooking. It took me roughly 15 minutes to slice and separate six peppers into plastic baggies before throwing them in the freezer. Now whenever I make a quinoa salad, fajitas, or even an omelet, all I have to do is pull one of the bags out of the freezer and run it under warm water for a few short minutes while they thaw. I'm sold.

This tip was just too good to keep to myself so I had to share it with you guys.

Busy, Busy, Busy

I feel a little bad that I haven't been as present with my blog this week or last. Stuff got real busy, real quick with work and personal stuff. But, hey, that's life right?  So I'll just be brief on catching up.

Last week at work was straight up chaos in preparation for the big 2014 Open House and Air Show that our installation hosted. Our office was especially preoccupied on Friday for the big Pre-Flight Party for all DoD ID holders that our squadron hosted. It was a tough 14 hour day, but fun nonetheless.

Saturday

My mother-in-law has also been staying with us since Saturday. So there has been no time to waste. I spent Saturday morning cleaning the house sweeping, vacuuming, wiping down, scrubbing, doing laundry, dishes, and spraying lots of smell goods in honor for her arrival. Thankfully, she and my husband both napped in the afternoon because it gave me time to get my workout in and finish up folding and putting away laundry before the three of us went to the extra tasty pizzeria down the street. With fully belly and tired eyes we all turned in pretty early that night. 

Sunday

We planned on taking Mama Suz out to brunch on Mother's Day at a fabulous diner with to-die-for food and hefty portions, but there was a several hour wait. In suffice we took her to Red Robin for lunch. I wasn't upset about it either. I hadn't had Red Robin in years so I was ready to dive into one of their burgers and steak fries.

It was such a beautiful day that after lunch we decided to venture to the nearby Columbus Market. Man. I am really kicking myself for not checking this place out sooner! The produce they had was not only bountiful, but unbelievably cheap. They also had the largest flea market I have ever seen. I scored a sweet pair of sunglasses for $5 and an amazing organic face and body soap that has worked miracles. So my husband and I have already planned on making regular visits there for the remainder of my time here.

On our way home from the market we stopped at the grocery store to get remaining ingredients for dinner and at the liquor store for some adult beverages. Mama Suz doesn't drink much so we decided on a bottle of Rosé and Riesling since they're on the sweeter end of the spectrum. I decided it would be more special if I made Mama Suz dinner rather than take her to a restaurant. I made lean pork chops accompanied by asparagus and my favorite dill potatoes. It was yummy and she seemed to have enjoyed the gesture of having someone else cook a meal for her for a change. It was evident that Mama Suz was feeling pretty good after dinner and 2 and a half glasses of  Rosé. It was also pretty comical and a good way to end the night.

Monday
We got ourselves up and ready at a decent time so we could head off to the city for the day. Mama Suz hasn't been to NYC since 1954 and has always dreamed of going back so I'm glad we could oblige. If you've never been, it's an overwhelming experience. People rushing to and from, and everyone seems to be on a mission. A person can get lost and turned around in the blink of an eye, but it's definitely a sight to see.

We had drinks and an early dinner at the Hard Rock Cafe because that was where Mama Suz had picked. The downfall of this particular restaurant is the fact that they have the calorie count listed next to EVERYTHING. I felt guilty as soon as I opened the menu. I settled on a pulled chicken sandwich because it was surprisingly one of the lighter menu options and I love a good BBQ sandwich. After we finished our meal we saddled back up to explore the rest of Times Square. We made stops at both Hershey's Chocolate World and M&M's World which are conveniently located right across the street from one another. Talk about chocolate wasted. I scored a 1 lb. bag of Pretzel filled M&M's that are my absolute favorite, but I hardly ever see them available for purchase in stores. I was happy :).

Unfortunately for us, by the time we finished exploring, it seemed like everyone and their mom's took to the streets to head home from work. This made getting back Penn Station a little tricky. It was hard for the three of us to keep a good eye on one another because there were so many people amongst the already existing commotion of the city. There was even an entire intersection blocked off because a pedestrian had been hit by a car! Sheesh. I don't know. I just don't see the appeal of living in New York City. It's dirty, smelly, vast, and people aren't the nicest. To each his own I guess.

Tuesday
By the time Tuesday morning rolled around I feel pretty confident in saying that the three of us were pretty beat. Especially Mama Suz and my husband who seemed to have been coming down with something. We had plans to go to a ball game that evening in Philly so we kept the first part of the day pretty low key. I thought it would be a good idea to make some brawts, wrap 'em up in foil, and bring them to the game with us so we could tailgate for a little bit before heading in the stadium so after breakfast and vegging out for a little bit I ran to the store to pick up some chips and the remaining ingredients I needed for the brawts. After I got the meat going in the slow cooker I enjoyed a 3 mile run with the always pleasurable company of my husband while Mama Suz took a little nap. 

When the clock struck 5 we piled in the car, picnic and all, and headed to Philly. This was Mama Suz's first Major League baseball game in over 20 years! Even though the Phillies haven't had that great of a season so far, we came on the night with the crowd so far this year, almost 47,000! The Phillies were playing the Angels and apparently one of their players, Mike Trout is from Millville, NJ, which is only miles from the stadium hence, the large attendance number. Even though the Phillies lost, we still had a great time. We caught the beautiful sunset from our seats and Mama Suz soaked in her first baseball game in over two decades while we all clapped and whooped and hollered. Also, the brawts we brought with us turned out pretty darn good, if I do say so myself, and probably saved us over $50 for food and drinks. 

We left the game at the top of the 9th because my husband had to be in to work by midnight and we wanted to get a jump start on the traffic. Fail. It took us almost 2 hours to get home. By the way, East Coast drivers are insane. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. I'm so tired by the time we get home, which was after 11:30 pm mind you, that getting up to go to work in the morning was the last thing I wanted to worry about. Ugh.


It's Thursday now and I'm STILL tired. I must be getting old. The awful humidity that has settled in Jersey probably isn't helping either. 

Bad Bread

I've only had my bread maker for about 2 weeks and we've already established quite a tumultuous relationship. I made, scratch that, attempted to make 3 different loaves of bread over the last several days. Unfortunately for me, and my baking supplies, only one of the loaves turned out remotely decent. One of the loaves actually turned out so bad that I had no choice but to just toss it in the trash!

This was my second attempt. How does this even happen? The dough didn't even rise, let alone mix completely. There were random balls of dough in the center and the outside was just like an extremely crusty wall. I wanted to kick my machine into next week I was so mad. I decided to take a day off before even thinking about attempting another loaf. I also needed to go to the store and get more bread making supplies because I was quickly running out. This time I decided to purchase actual bread flour. After going over it in my head and re-reading the recipe I decided that, that had to be the problem because I followed every other instruction to the tee! 

So it's the next day and I give it a go. I make sure, once again, that I'm dead on with the directions, measurements, and ingredients. Unfortunately, it takes almost 4 hours for a loaf to mix and bake so I figured I would go work out, run some errands, and get my nails done (time well spent!) while I waited for my dough creation. After a couple hours, I returned home to the most incredibly scrumptious bakery like smell! Better yet, my loaf had risen completely and looked 100% edible. Progress people. This loaf still looks a little wonky, but it pleased my taste buds so I don't care :)

I knew I had done something right because this loaf was much easier to slice than the other loaf that had turned out decent, but oddly shaped. I was so excited. Which is sad because, well, it's just bread.

*This recipe is for the Oster 2lb. Bread Maker for those of you that want to try to make your own.

Honey Oat Bread

Ingredients:
1 3/8 Cups water
2 1/2 Tbsp Butter or Margarine
2 Tbsp Honey
1 3/4 tsp Salt
2 1/2 cups Bread Flour
1 1/4 cups Whole Wheat Flour
2/3 cup Quick Oats
2 1/2 tsp Active Dry Yeast

Directions:
1.) Measure and add all wet ingredients to the bottom of the bread pan.
2.) Measure and add all of the dry ingredients to the bread pan, except for the yeast!
3.) Using your finger, make a well to pour the yeast in to, but make sure not to make it too deep so that the yeast doesn't          come in contact with the liquid ingredients.
4.) Snap the pan in to the bread maker and close the lid.
5.) Select the Whole Wheat Setting and choose your preferred crust color then push start/stop.
6.) After your bread is done unsnap the pan from the bread maker and tip the pan upside down over a cooling rack. The           bread should slide right out. If not, glide a rubber spatula around the edge of loaf to loosen it.

Magic Music

Coldplay is, and will always be, my all-time favorite band for two reasons:

1.) Most, if not all of the band's songs have managed to strike me emotionally. Some I can't help but feel giddy and excited while I listen, while others give me a gut wrenching, tear jerking sadness. This bands music has gotten me through a lot of tough times in my life, like when my husband was stationed overseas. But,  has also been the backdrop to some of the best memories I have, like sharing the experience of two of their concerts with my sister and dad. I seriously love Coldplay and the fact that I have such an emotional connection with their music.

2.) They are ever-changing. Example: listen to some of their earlier work like "Yellow" or "The Scientist" and compare it to one of their new tracks, like "Magic." They sound worlds apart, but still indicative of the band. It's incredible how these artists can manage to produce album after album that are so different, but equally exciting to hear. Simply innovative.

Their new album, Ghost Stories, is being released 2 weeks from today and I cannot wait. It's been about 2 years since their last album, Mylo Xyloto, was released so it's about time. Their album hasn't even been released yet but, I'm already dying with anticipation for a world tour. Viva la Coldplay!

And now for your musical pleasure...

Rest Day; It's Necessary

In my previous fitness post I mentioned I was going to participate in the 90 Day Blogilates Challenge that started yesterday. Well, yeah, that didn't happen. I tried out the first couple videos for yesterdays scheduled work out and I just couldn't get into it. I don't know if it was because I was just burned out from working out 5 days in a row or because the instructor on the video managed to stay annoyingly peppy while I, on the other hand, was in pain. Or maybe it was the sketchy Chinese Buffet food I ate at lunch when our office decided to all go out, which I used up my cheat meal for the week on. I can't pin point exactly what is was, but I just know I was totally out of sync yesterday.

I was definitely suffering from a.) Insufficient Glycogen Stores, or more simply, energy, b.) Fatigue and c.) Mental Burnout. So after a little research I realized that I didn't need to feel so guilty for taking a rest day. My body obviously needed a break and some time to rebuild and replenish. Today, however, is a clean slate! I feel good and ready to get moving again. After I get off work I'm going to get my Couch to 10k workout in while enjoy the gorgeous weather we have after two days of torrential downpour, ugh!

As for the Blogilates, I really don't think it's my cup of tea. I want to get back on track with weightlifting and I found some great weightlifting programs designed specifically for women. My husband said he would help me along the way because I still get extremely intimidated walking into the weightlifting section of the gym. His encouragement and guidance is so, so amazing because he not only keeps me accountable, but he helps me with my form. Plus, I enjoy any time that we spend together so why not workout with one another?

I'm leaning towards the 12 week weightlifting program that I found on bodybuilding.com. It consists of lifting 4 days a week, which I LOVE because it will also allow me to keep up with my running program without overexerting myself and still allows for some rest days. So remember to be careful and kind to your body; 'cause it's the only one you got!